a light has dawned.

i'm excited to tell you that in December I will be leading an outreach team to

. iceland .

yeah, we might be slightly crazy.
yeah, we are going to be cold. real cold.
yeah, it's going to be dark all day.
yeah, it's going to be AWESOME.

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as warriors rejoice
when dividing the plunder.
-Isaiah 9:2&3

growing pains.

I'm back in Montana, snuggled up in my little dorm room. I just got home from a quick trip home to Texas to see my best friend get married. I'm so grateful for planes and the ability to be across the country in only a few hours...

Tonight I'm thinking of childhood & my family. Sometimes I get busy - really busy - & don't get time to just sit & think; process life & what's going on, but tonight I have this quiet room all to myself, just me, my thoughts & I. 

You know, I really love where I live. I love living in this valley surrounded by mountains & evergreens as far as the eye can see. I love what I am doing here, I get to disciple people & go to the nations & tell people about Jesus. I love the people I live/work with, too, we share the same vision.

But there are days that I really miss my family. I miss the friends that I grew up with. & today is one of those days. 

For me, that's the hardest part of living so far away... & sometimes I want to run back to my roots, to the home I grew up in & my parents who love me to death. Some days I want to go back home & sleep in my grey blue room & wake up whenever I want. Just like old times. I'm laughing, because sometimes I just really want to be a kid again. I mean, part of me always wants that, but it gets worse when I go home & realize that things are different that they used to be. Life won't ever be the same again. I will never be a kid again. I will never relive those times. 

My friends are getting married. 

My brother is getting older. 

People are moving away. 

Friends are graduating college & settling down. 

Church is changing. 

Things are just different. 

It makes me want to clinch my fists & hold onto everyone tighter. But I know I can't. Honestly, that's just where I'm at tonight. It's bittersweet. There's such a war in me, the battle between wanting things to stay how they were & wanting to keep going, to keep discovering, traveling, loving people... to keep growing. 

As sad as it is to grow up, I know that life must get richer from here, I just know it. Jesus has been good to me. The more I know Him, the more I see His goodness increasing in my life. There are hard days. There are days when I have to really try & remember why I'm here. It helps to remember that this isn't the end. I must think eternally, we all must. When I remind myself of that, & remember the goodness of the Gospel, these costs definitely prove to be worth it.  
 Jesus is worth it. 

Goodnight.

truth.

just a song that my heart has been singing.
love getting my heart focused on what amazing things God has done for us.
it keeps me going in this life. it keeps the mundane extraordinary.
it keeps me in a place of gratefulness & urgency.
jesus has been so good to us, his undeserving people.

august already?

life lately has consisted of:
 - DTS Equip. this deserves more than one bullet point... this is the leadership school i've been in this summer. what an amazing training! 
     god has shown me so much during this time. post to come.
 - reading. books books & more books. "leaders are readers."
 - teaching. yep. me. teaching. not just once, but twice! & i didn't fail. 
 - studying. final exam is THIS friday!
 - planning DTS curriculum.
 - more studying. :)
 - driving. because my dad drove my car up here last month! 
    what a blessing, when the nearest target is 25 miles away. 
 - swimming at the lake.
 - thinking of my best friend's upcoming wedding.
 - sailing... or dreaming of sailing.
 - dinner prep on the weekends. which is now over. 
 - going over applications for the Fall DTS (Discipleship Training School). the next group of about 60 students will get here mid-September.
 - praying about where to go for said DTS. ^ where to go? where to go? africa? asia? europe? s america? australia?  :)

good stuff.

one year.

i just want to take a moment today to praise God.
as many of you know, i was in India this time last year when my friend was hit by a train.
miraculously, he survived, though he lost his right leg.
some days it seems like just yesterday... other days, it feels like years & years -- i feel about 5 years older than i was a year ago. things like that have a way of growing you up.

God has been so stinkin' faithful in these last 12 months.
especially to david, but also to everyone that was with me in India.
this process is not over yet. i know i am still learning, growing, healing.
some days i still ask God what the heck He wants to do through this.
some days i still wonder if i will ever feel normal again, if i will always battle these new fears.
BUT...
i can definitely tell you that even though this has been a hard year -- probably the hardest year of my life so far -- it's been the richest. yep. the richest.
i've learned in a new way that following Jesus is worth it, because He is worthy.
my faith has been tested this year, & some days i really questioned whether i really wanted to do this or not... follow jesus.
but in this way, i can say it & mean it: following Jesus is worth it.
He is a faithful God.
i can say it because i've experienced his faithfulness in the darkest of times.
He is a good God,
sovereign over all,
Immanuel (God with us),
full of love & compassion,
a healer of hearts,
the God of life.
& He is worthy of praise.


hallelujah.

i must start this post by apologizing for being the worst updater ever. i hope you can all forgive me.

life has been crazy busy, but so wonderful.

i am home now, & by home I mean Montana. beautiful, lovely Montana. so much has gone on the past couple of months: thailand, leading 15 people overseas, learning how to lead, ministry, preaching, teaching, praying, singing, seeing people come to jesus, playing guitar, trying to speak thai, getting sunburned, celebrating thai new year, falling in love with southeast asia all over again, bus rides, lots of laughs, hike, border run to Laos & many things in between.

over all, our time in southeast asia was crazy good. what an amazing trip we had - we were so blessed by our contacts & how amazing our locations were! we got to do so many amazing things & see so many amazing things. god was so faithful. it was so rewarding after the months of planning & preparation! i definitely had some hesitations in going back to asia so soon after india & everything that happened while i was there, & i had so much self-doubt in my leadership abilities, but GOD WAS SO FAITHFUL. what a sweet season god is bringing me through. just personally, i have learned so many new things about being a leader & god has done it all, because i definitely couldn't have done any of it on my own. this was my first school to staff, & i came in feeling really clueless & ill-equipped, but God's been faithful every step of the way & now these students are a week away from graduation. i can't believe how time flies! yesterday we had interviews with the students from my team & to hear about all that god's done in their hearts since january was so rewarding. not even just hearing what the students have learned, but actually seeing the physical difference in their life, like God has brought them from one person to a completely different one... that is the greatest "paycheck" ever. i am one lucky kid...

i'll be back in Texas May 21- June 3 for my sister's wedding! if any of you wanna hear stories from my time in Southeast Asia, please call or email me, i'd love to meet up!

much love.