steadfast.

hey you guys.

today is wednesday here in Kolkata, India. wow. it's crazy how much life can be lived in one week. how much a person can see, how much a person can lose, how much a person can experience God... in such a short time. it's crazy.
most all of you know that last week, a few of us were on our way to volunteer at a mother teresa home for the day and my friend was hit by a train. wow. seriously, that's hard to say. i'm still trying to believe it. it's such a long long story, & all along the way, there are small evidences of God's hand in this whole situation, as he is still alive today! he lost his right leg, but he is still alive & doing much better. i don't want this to be a post about information. you can imagine, there have been a lot of people just wanting to know the story. but if you want updates on David, please join the page his sister set up. that's probably the most accurate information going around... one day i will sit with you guys and tell you about all that God has done! it's truly a miracle & a picture of God's faithfulness.

it's been such a hard week, full of
questions
doubts
fears
anger
tears
memories
rejoicing

i don't think i've ever examined faith as much as i have this week.
since this happened, i've been filled with such fear at times. even walking down the street seems really hard. my heart racing, knees shaking... i have asked myself so many times,

"do i really want this? can i do this? 

is this the life God has really called me to? 

would he really ask this of me? 

do i want this un-ordinary life?" 

the white picket fence and 2.5 kids, with plans to retire one day... all that sounded pretty nice this week. it sounded safe.  i know there was and still remains a choice in me... even though i've already made up my mind... i could still choose to say, ok God, i will still follow you no matter what. or i could run away, or in this case, fly away, back home. to "safety". to america. to comfort. to ordinary. to living for myself. i was faced with that choice. but for some reason, the only thing left i've had to cling to this week is simply JESUS. & it was almost like i didn't even have to choose, but more a natural response. "well, Jesus, you're all there is left to hope in." i've seen that life is but a breath and clearly, He has the power to take & give it. i've seen miracles before my eyes. i've seen God move, even in the worst times... i feel stronger. but not from a strength that its my own... a strength that comes from God, from knowing that i am literally held in his hands. my life is in his hands. and i have to know that that is the safest place. i can't imagine not following him. i can't imagine making it without him... and that kind of love that i see and continue to experience from Him every day, that love will make you continue to cross oceans, continue to love those around you & make you even more determined to share it with people that have never known Love. it's totally worth it. my jesus is totally worth it. and i am safe in his hands. we all are.
i love jesus more today than i did yesterday, more than a week ago.
he is more beautiful to me than ever.
he is so worthy of our lives! even if life is stripped away, he is STILL worthy.

mmm. i know this is a huge jumbled mess, but i figured all of you praying would like to hear from me.
please keep praying for my friend. he needs it. :) but also know that he is doing much better, and he is still the same guy. :) we all are waiting waiting and anticipating seeing him.

love you all. xoxo