life is good.

do i say that too much? i feel like i say it all the time, but it's true...

the past few weeks back home have been great.

i applied for a staff position at YWAM a couple of weeks ago...

my application isn't finished yet, but i should hopefully find out within a couple of weeks whether i get accepted or not. of course, i'm hoping i do! :)

but whatever happens, i know i'll be where God wants me to be, & how can i be sad about that?

i've been realizing lately that who i am is not defined by where i am, what i'm doing, what my calling is, what job i have, what people think about me, or what i think about myself. i am not defined by any of these things.

i am simply...
beloved.  

God's beloved daughter.

wow. that's good enough. for me, that means if i don't end up in ywam in January, okay. if i do, awesome! if i work in ministry, sweeet. if i wait tables again (hopefully not), cool. it just simply doesn't matter, because i am not defined by my location or my occupation. i am who i am in the Lord's eyes. my life & identity is HIM.

that's such a good thing to be learning, because it just gives you peace no matter where you are or where you're headed...

& that's what i am - full of peace.

m e m o r i e s . . .

a lot of things caught up with me yesterday & today.

it's the first time i've felt truly sad since i got back, but honestly, i'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner.

today i was thinking back over everything: leaving home in april. saying goodbye to my dad & meeting my fellow students for the first time. the weeks of snow & watching soccer games. the weeks of lectures & deep discussions & so many laughs with new friends. i thought of our trip to Seattle & the homeless man i got to talk to. i thought of outreach prep & how we always ended up dancing for some reason. (?) i thought of India... wow. India. so much happened in India. i thought of David's accident- that day we were just walking & suddenly so many things changed. i thought about the days after that & how God literally carried us through that next month & a half. i thought of all the little indian slum kids, the older ladies i fed & took to the bathroom, the things i saw, the people i met, the things i saw God do... (how can you have such mixed emotions about one period of time? such sadness, yet such joy. it doesn't make sense sometimes...) i thought of waiting in hospitals & the taxi rides & the cool volunteers at the mother teresa homes. i thought of flights & visiting David in Seattle on our way home to Montana & how joyful that day was because we were all together again. i thought of Flathead lake & the mile walk down to the docks & of course, the people i went with. i thought of coming back home & how i now have friends scattered all over the globe who share the same story that i have to tell. a story of how amazing God is. i thought about the fact that we're all still learning, growing, healing & experiencing God. we're all still continuing our journey. this was all just the beginning of something that God has started & that we've jumped into.

{ my heart is so full. }

it's full of joy, love & an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness that God led me through all of that. wow. yeah... all of it was a huge blessing. & now i am who i am today because of how i experienced Him & how He changed me during that time.

i know the same God who gave me the last 5 months of life has now given me this beautiful life back home & i have so many memories, lessons, laughs & experiences waiting for me here. i'm already enjoying it. i'm already discovering it. God is cool like that.

see? life is just... good.
everywhere i go, life is good.
because HE is good & He is always with me,
showing me what life is like when i belong to Him.

xo