I'm back in Montana, snuggled up in my little dorm room. I just got home from a quick trip home to Texas to see my best friend get married. I'm so grateful for planes and the ability to be across the country in only a few hours...
Tonight I'm thinking of childhood & my family. Sometimes I get busy - really busy - & don't get time to just sit & think; process life & what's going on, but tonight I have this quiet room all to myself, just me, my thoughts & I.
You know, I really love where I live. I love living in this valley surrounded by mountains & evergreens as far as the eye can see. I love what I am doing here, I get to disciple people & go to the nations & tell people about Jesus. I love the people I live/work with, too, we share the same vision.
But there are days that I really miss my family. I miss the friends that I grew up with. & today is one of those days.
For me, that's the hardest part of living so far away... & sometimes I want to run back to my roots, to the home I grew up in & my parents who love me to death. Some days I want to go back home & sleep in my grey blue room & wake up whenever I want. Just like old times. I'm laughing, because sometimes I just really want to be a kid again. I mean, part of me always wants that, but it gets worse when I go home & realize that things are different that they used to be. Life won't ever be the same again. I will never be a kid again. I will never relive those times.
My friends are getting married.
My brother is getting older.
People are moving away.
Friends are graduating college & settling down.
Church is changing.
Things are just different.
It makes me want to clinch my fists & hold onto everyone tighter. But I know I can't. Honestly, that's just where I'm at tonight. It's bittersweet. There's such a war in me, the battle between wanting things to stay how they were & wanting to keep going, to keep discovering, traveling, loving people... to keep growing.
As sad as it is to grow up, I know that life must get richer from here, I just know it. Jesus has been good to me. The more I know Him, the more I see His goodness increasing in my life. There are hard days. There are days when I have to really try & remember why I'm here. It helps to remember that this isn't the end. I must think eternally, we all must. When I remind myself of that, & remember the goodness of the Gospel, these costs definitely prove to be worth it.
Jesus is worth it.
Jesus is worth it.
Goodnight.
