whoo hoo!

only 3 days separate me from the beautiful (or so i hear) 

YWAM Montana. :)

whew.

My friends threw me & my friend Ricky a going away party on Saturday! My bro Ricky left yesterday for Southeast Asia to teach English. Super cool. The night was a blast: good food, awesome people, many laughs, music, dancing, etc. 

Fact: I have THE best friends.

I'm trying to make every day like extremely packed full of crazy fun stuff. 

Last night our Southeast Asia team had a little reunion. We read the greatest thing ever written when 9 people have just spent 10 days in Asia, been on a 23 hr+ airplane ride, and are on a 4 hr. road trip home. Haha. Garrett played the angklung for old times sake. Watch here. They all prayed for me as well, which is one of the sweetest blessings I've had in a long time. All of those people I have labored with, I have prayed with, I have laughed with, I have cried with. We have been 1/2 way around the world together. We love the same people. That's all I can say, just blessed by the whole thing.

i love these people.

x o .

why, you ask?

So I'm leaving in 11 days.
I'm going to Montana for 5 months to do THIS <<click<<.


There are a lot of times that people ask me WHY I would pickup & just do this. It's pretty random. But I never have time to fully explain, so I figured I'd type it out here on my blog for whoever wants to know.


So here's my motivation:
I am a broken, sinful person. I lived life to please myself. BUT I was saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ who loved me & gave Himself for me. It wasn't anything good I did, just trusting in Him, that made me clean & pure of sin. That's the Gospel. The only thing He asked of me was my life... You see it a lot in the Bible: Jesus calls His people out & says two majorly loaded words:

"Follow me." 

Sometimes that means leaving everything. Sometimes it means quit making your own decisions. Sometimes it means stop living in sin. But every time, it just means...DIE. Die to YOURSELF & live for CHRIST. This has happened for me. This is something that continues to happen for me. Every moment of every day I have to choose who I will live for: myself? or Jesus? I don't always make the right choice. But I have found FREEDOM in this. I have found hope. I have have found peace. I have found the fullest life. All this I have found in Christ.

For me right now, following Christ & living for Him means that I leave my family, my friends, my church, my job, my comfort zone, college, plans for the future, dreams, desires, etc... & go across the country/world for 5 months to a place that is completely foreign to me. It's pretty scary. In fact, it's one of the hardest, toughest things I have ever done in my life. Trusting Him has been hard every step of the way, just because I'm a human & like familiar. BUT it's also been a freakin' awesome journey so far, & I'm not even there yet!


I hear a lot of people say stuff like, "Wow, I'm so proud of you for doing something so crazy & out of the norm. God must have a really huge, amazing plan for you. I can't imagine ever doing that." & that's really nice. But truthfully, I'm just being obedient. Obedience looks different for everyone. It just so happens obeying for me means moving to Montana. I'm not doing this for an award or someone to pat me on the back. I'm not in it for that. & if I was, I think I'd be thoroughly disappointed. I'm just being obedient to what God has called me to do. I should never expect a reward for following the Lord.
Christ is the reward I have already gained. 
This has nothing to do with what I am doing, this is what GOD is doing for His glory & His eternal purpose. There's no way I could've raise the money on my own. There's no way I would have come up with Montana. There's no way I could have dreamed this up. He's done it all. I am just the lucky girl who after a year of running from Him, chose to surrender and say, "Okay God, I'm willing." I think God does that; sees who's willing & chooses to use them for His glory.


I'm ordinary. I'm not the smartest kid. I'm awkward. I'm shy. I have trouble putting my thoughts into words. I'm a nerd. I don't have a killer personality or smokin' good looks. I am moody. I get scared. There are days I don't pray. There are days I don't touch my Bible. I'm imperfect & seriously flawed. But SOMEHOW, for some reason that only He knows why, God has lead me to this place. & people are right, God does have a plan for me - just as He has a plan for YOU. & that plan is for Him to use us to bring Him glory.
He must be worshiped. He must be honored.
He must be praised & exalted. He's worthy of it.
He wants to know people & to be known by them.
I somehow have a tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny part in that.


So, I guess there's the reason for why I am doing this. My life is a vapor compared to eternity. & because of everything that He has done for me, because of His grace through faith, because of His death on the cross, because of my Salvation, because of the Gospel, the very LEAST I can do is use my short, breath-of-a-life to bring glory to the One true God.

Even if He'd never done a thing for me, 
He would still be worthy of my life.

two weeks...

...until i leave on a plane for Montana.

i can't believe it's so close.

so many emotions associated with leaving home:

anticipation. excitement. thrill. 

anxiety. nostalgia. fear. uncertainty.

it's hard letting go of everything i've known so far in life to venture into something, somewhere completely foreign to me, but i know my Lord is in me. & when i dwell on that, it really dilutes my fear. 

i know he is taking care of me. he's guided / provided / pushed me this far, right? 

here i raise my ebenezer.

x o

photos. photos. photos.

 

happy wednesday.

my best buddy is in town.

we went to lunch.

then we bought bff rings made of recycled phone wire.

yes... we are still just kids.  :)

 

then we painted with Maci. i'm selling this. 

so hit me up if you want it.

 

xo xo xo.

my dear friend Avry...

i just skyped my lovely friend from Southeast Asia.

i miss that side of the world.

i miss this face.

 

xo.

best monday ever.

 

 

best buds.

i just spent the past weekend with my 3 bestest friends.

we're talking... they'll be the girls next to me when i get married.

we haven't all 4 been together in YEARS. like 7 years??

& you know, i hope it isn't so, but it could be several years until we're all together again. 

heck, it might be my wedding day that we will all be together again. haha...

i am so thankful for my time with them. i know the Lord blessed me with this weekend, i'm sad to see it come to an end, but i'm also so encouraged. 

we will all 4 be in different countries this summer. that's crazy. 

growing up, i never would have imagined that, but we all love & follow Jesus. 

& we all know that it can be a huge adventure at times. :) 

i am really going to miss them. but i'm so blessed to know that i have 3 girls out there that are praying for me daily & telling people about jesus, too. blessed to have 3 people that are great examples of radical disciples; girls that love our God & will do whatever it takes to take His Gospel to the ends of the earth- to those that need to know Him.

i am blessed.

thank you, Lord. You must really love me.

3 march 2011

i've had this song on repeat ALL day long... 

i went to lunch with some friends today.

then blair, kindall & i took some photos...

then we drove to the lake and listened to music (see vid above:)) (i slept.)

& then church tonight with the lovely women from church.
ps- today makes 1 month until i leave.

i enjoyed life today.

& i enjoy knowing Jesus.

i am blessed.

xo

march 1st.

i like the first day of the month.

today i
rode my bike,
washed my car,
ran to the bank,
ate a subway sandwhich,
went by the church,
caught a great sale at pacsun,
talked with my best friend on the phone,
ate dinner with the family,
ordered some much needed new toms,
& that's about it.

as of today, i owe $297 for my ywam trip!
praise the Lord. still amazed by his faithfulness...

wow.wow.wow

i feel like i'm caught in this really awesome whirlwind right now & i can't catch up to write about it, but it's still great! i am learning so much. i'll try to catch you up just a little bit.

so a couple of weeks ago, i was getting really discouraged with this whole ywam stuff... the money just wasn't coming & it just seemed like i was trying my hardest to prepare & it just wasn't happening. my parent's had even asked me what my plans would be if i didn't raise the money & had to stay here... it was extremely frustrating, considering the fact that i know God has placed this whole thing before me & gone before me the whole way. even in my frustration i started preparing myself that ywam wasn't going to happen in april. 

that was 2 weeks ago. 

i remember sitting in my car, crying to my sister, just telling her that i was trying my best to be obedient to the Lord, but it was just so difficult. 
it wasn't fun. it was a war. & it was hard. 
but can i tell you, that day, i committed to stick it out in spite of difficulty. 
something i've learned is that when following jesus, 
there will be times where it isn't easy. 
sometimes when you follow jesus, you go through hard times because of it. 
sometimes where god leads you is just plain HARD. 
sometimes following jesus involves tears & questions & times of not understanding what's going on. 
but just because things get hard, it doesn't mean that it isn't right. it doesn't mean that you did the wrong thing. sometimes you are right in the center of his will. this is a lesson i've learned recently. learning to follow him even when it isn't easy. 
it's called f a i t h .  it's called trusting Him. 
    it just so happened, around that time i was reading through the story of David & in 1 samuel. God had already anointed David to be future king. he was god's chosen one. & in chapter 22, David is in a cave & on the run to save his life. 
i can't imagine this. he knew god had chosen him, but i bet he never imagined he'd be all alone in a cave because of it. 
BUT, just because he was in this really rough place, it didn't mean that god hadn't called David or had abandoned him. he was doing the right thing, it's just that god had lead him to a difficult experience. this is exactly what i was learning...

   so the day after the whole crying-in-the-car incident, & a full weekend of some really intense prayers, conversations & time with the lord, just begging for him to work a miracle... the day after all of this, i got a text saying someone had just donated a huge chunk of my funds. i was so stunned & amazed & thankful that i went & immediately counted everything up & it turned out to be almost half of my tuition. crazy stuff! god is insane, & i truly believe he multiplies his provision sometimes. :) the day after that, i got my tax return. & a ton of other random things. 
god is absolutely real! 
i am such a small minded human being. 
so thankful that His power is made perfect in my weakness.

so thankful that i have nothing of my own to boast about. absolutely nothing. it's all what He has done. i've just had to trust him in faith- & i know that He gave me the faith i do have. even that i cannot claim on my own. 

He is faithful. to every promise. He has never failed me.

i am so enjoying this journey with Him.

praise be to God.