3am.

my body insists on staying up @ least until 3am...
jetlag is still kicking my booty...
BUT
it's okay.
because life is good.

so. this past week i....
celebrated my 20th.
made lanterns for my new room.
met my 2 "adopted" foreign exchange sisters.
saw THE HELP. (so good.)
taught my brother to drive stick shift.
bought The Cost of Discipleship (by Bonhoeffer) & Bruchko (by Olson). (book reviews coming soon, most likely.)
swam.
went for a run in the 96 degree weather.
ate chickfila almost every day.
missed my friends.
enjoyed hanging out with old friends.
played guitar.
made thank you notes.
went to church.
got some fro yo.
ETC.


it was a great first week back home.


god is faithful. he works in our lives even when we don't try very hard. 
there have been times in my life where God has told me to do something & i agreed & every step of the way, it was a huge battle, but i fought, fought, fought for what i knew i had to do. & it was worth it. it taught me a lot about considering Him worthy of all of my energy, efforts, time, money, etc. BUT, i'm learning that there are also times when following Jesus is almost TOO easy... like He just lays it right out there. all you have to do sometimes is say OK. OK, i'll follow. & he literally works it out right before your eyes.
god is so good.
he's good when we struggle. he's good when we don't.
he's good all the time. he loves us & is uniquely acquainted with us. 
that blows my mind!


this week i've seen more of the changes that have taken place in my heart in the past 5 months.
god has changed me.
i've talked to a lot of people this week that know me... or know who i was a year, 2 years ago. it's humbling, because i know that they know my junk. they've seen me in my dark times. they know who i was. & it's humbling... but for some reason, i just feel such a peace. because i am new. i'm really happy to be me. my hair has no dye in it... i hardly wear any makeup anymore. & clothes, they're cute, but i just don't love them like i used to. i don't feel the need to have the newest, cutest, trendiest wardrobe. 
simple. stripped. organic. raw. REAL. 
i feel REAL. i'm not hiding behind this hair dye or makeup or certain kind of clothes. 
now i'm just... me. i'm just Raegan. 
& i'm so happy with that. because i know i am deeply, deeply loved by God. :)
that's where my confidence stems from... from knowing i am LOVED. no matter what.
Love will change you from the inside out.
i love Love & i love Jesus.


just rambling now. 
sorry for my late night randomness.


goodnight, lovely people.
xo

truth.

"God is more committed to fulfilling 

  His will for your life than you are 

                 to figuring it out. "

my new room.

i now have my own room. 

yes. for the 1st time ever in my life.

& it's pretty sweet.

i do a lot of things in here... such as:

write a ton of notes...

& play guitar late at night without disturbing anyone!!

i've been making lanterns...

& even anabelle has discovered my new hangout spot.

i like the company.

the end.

pride.

"Pride will not take the risk of loving."

new.

well, graduation came & went & all of a sudden, i'm twenty, i'm back home, & i'm sleeping in my own room.

weird.

can't believe how fast the past 5 months flew by, 

but i know that a lot of my life was lived in 5 short months.
:)

god is so good.

i've been thinking back to April 2nd & that girl who left home
to go up north.

i'm so thankful for all that God has shown me about Himself & about myself during this time.

i used to not believe that love was a real thing, & now i've experienced it.

i used to not really believe miracles happened much anymore, now i've seen hundreds.

i used to not really know who i was, now i know i'm God's beloved.

i used to avoid dreaming, thinking every dream i had was impossible or impractical,
now i'm full of dreams & i can't wait to do them.

i used to carry my past mistakes around with me, now they're gone & i'm free.

i used to compare myself to others all the time, i still do every now & then,
but no matter what, i know He loves me for who i am.

i used to believe God wanted only my obedience, now i know He wants to know me, too.

i'm not who i was.

i am a new creation.

i'm free.

:)

thanks to all of you who have supported me throughout this whole adventure... 

i can't wait to sit with each one of you & tell you as much as you want to hear. 

i'm so blessed to live life with you all & have so many loving people supporting me 

throughout all the crazy journeys god takes me on. i'm blessed by you. xo

...

last night was community night here on base, & all of the returning outreach teams shared their stories of what God has been doing in the nations, India included. :)

enjoy.

xo

love feast.

best. staff. ever.

roomies.

never know...

 team India!

swiss roomie. i love you, flo.

look at all of these amazing faces...
i can't imagine being in a different school, with different people, at a different time.
the past 5 months have been the biggest blessing of my life. & the biggest change of my life.
i'm laying my little head down tonight grateful & thankful for this life of following Christ.
i feel so blessed to have been here, have gotten to know these beautiful people,
& to have seen God do incredible, incredible things...


praise the lord, O my soul
& let all that's within me praise His name.
i will not die, i will live.
i will tell of the works of the Lord
& sing of His wonders.
He's a great God.


i get to love you through whatever comes,
how sweet it is.


nothing's going to take Your praise out of my mouth
as long as i shall live, as long as i shall live.




xo.

summertime.

one of my homes.

friends

reunited at last...

that's the life....

friends:

well. this is my last week of DTS!

can't believe how time has flown, yet sometimes it feels like years i've spent with these beautiful, awesome people. i am so blessed. i've made some awesome friendships & learned so much about jesus in the past 5 months. 

i want to do it all over again. 

i love this life of following jesus. it's hard sometimes, yeah, but it's waaaaay more joyful & rewarding than anything. :) 

anyway. i'm heading back home soon, but this week i'm enjoying my last days here. if you have never been here in the summer (or at all...) you're really missing out, my friends. it's gorgeous.

love you all.

xo

rae

family.

we got to see David during our layover in Seattle.

such a good time.

these people, i love. (yuni is missing. i love her, too.)

thanks for praying for all of us.

xo

home.

... & by "home," i mean YWAM home.

it's funny because the past 2 months seem like a dream. i've blinked & now all of a sudden, i'm back in this quiet little town. no rickshaw horns. no dirty streets. no slum kids. & i'm not sleeping in the same room with the same 5 girls tonight.  it's so strange, but i know it all happened. it wasn't a dream. it was all real & i lived it all. now i'm "home" & i find myself thinking that no place really seems like home right now. my heart is split between a lot of places & a lot of people around this world. it's a strange feeling, but not a bad feeling either. just new... i've never felt this way before.

so now it's 3:15am & i am headed to sleeeeeeeeeep.
i can't wait.
but my mind is racing with thoughts of india.
crazy. adventurous. wild. beautiful. broken. hopeful india.
wow. god changed my heart in that place. what a ride.
i left india with
several new life experiences.
so many stories.
a greater faith in God.
a better view of the world.
a heart full of hope & love for india.
& 10 people i love that feel as close as family.

i am so blessed.
god is so faithful.
he has turned ashes to beauty. that's the God i serve.

xo

final days.

less than a week left in India! i can't believe it.

looking back on all that has happened, it's hard to believe we've only been here 2 months. it feels like years, really. india has changed me, god has changed me in india.

for now, the things we've gone through, the things we've seen, all of this is a physical thing, but when we leave, it will all become something only in our memories & in our minds. it will no longer be all around me.  i feel like part of me will still be in india, & that part of me has died here. i've learned so much about death here, about what it means to die to self, spiritual death, & physical death, too. i've learned about life here, as well. i've found that so much life is found in dying to yourself. there's no life outside of Christ. God is sprouting up life here in india. he is alive, working in these hearts & in this nation. it's been beautiful to see & to be a part of. it's been beautiful to walk in God's strength, in His joy & in His victory. india has been... the hardest thing i've probably ever lived thru before, but so so good. india has been a crazy adventure. i'm so blessed to have been able to live life here for a bit & to experience God the way that i have. that's a huge blessing. 

see you soon, usa.

xo

rae