Hope

"Even youth grow tired & weary,  young men stumble & fall. 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles, they will walk & not grow weary,

they will run and not grow faint."

God was strong in my weaknesses today.

I had nothing to offer anyone today, but He worked it out.

Thanks, Lord.

I set my hope on You.

Restless.

Still waiting on that form for YWAM. Time is ticking, but no worries.  I made this friend over Twitter randomly one day, we had both been talking about YWAM or something, he just left for Wales to be a part of a DTS there. He sent me a short message yesterday: "I'm here in Wales. This is seriously the biggest blessing I have ever been a part of in my life. Praise God, the healer of hearts & bringer of peace." I want to be a part of something like that.  I want to learn how to evangelize. I want to learn how to share the Gospel more effectively. & yes, I want to be blessed. 


My heart is somewhere else today... Maybe in the past. Or maybe even in the future. I can't help but wonder what the next few months and years hold for me, what the Lord holds for me. Following Him is a great adventure, terrifying at times. It's a weird thing to know that at some point in my life I might be persecuted for my faith. I might be tortured. I might be opposed. I might be rejected. Honestly, the fact that I have faced hardly any, if not none at all, of these things... that disturbs me. I want that to change. I want to be refined. But I want to have faith that will last and stand firm in the face of opposition. I want that to be true of my life even now. Holy Spirit, grant me opportunities. May I be a right and true representation of who You are. I want to be refined as gold in the fire. Purified. More like Him.


I have a lot of wishes in me. And once again, my daily occurrence, Lord, they are Yours. Sometimes hope hurts, you know? It's also hard to know if the things I hope for are from the Lord or just from my flesh. Sometimes I feel like they're from Him, & sometimes I feel that they're from me. Maybe it's not a matter of things I hope for... but of who I am hoping in... But what does it look like to hope in the Lord anyway? How would my life reflect this? Has God given me hopes and dreams? & do I count on them? Is that faith? & is faith saying, 'God, this is what I  hope for, and I hold it with open hands. Do what You want with it."? Having faith even when you aren't sure... I guess that is the point I want to get to. Submission. Ultimately, I know that God is working all things out for the good of those that truly love Him... He is working things out for my GOOD. And I know that He is able to do and accomplish immeasurably more than I could ever hope for. Ask for. Imagine. So Praise Him... because one day I truly believe that no matter where I'm at in life, that one day I will look back and be able to say... "Wow, God has done more than I could've ever hoped for. To think of all that I desired when I was 19... and look how much MORE He had in store... hallelujah." & may I be a woman lead by His spirit enough to be able to say this one day.

"My heart is Yours.
It's You that I hold on to."

You know, Jesus is good. He gave me something today, a little treasure, an answered prayer:
  "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray as we should,
    but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And 
    He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit 
    intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those 
    that love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according 
    to His purpose." Romans 8:26-28


This was exactly what I needed to hear. I mean, let's be honest, I'm a human being. I have my own desires and dreams and wants... And I want them very badly. A lot of times, I don't see how they could work out, or if God even wants them to be fulfilled, so I always beg God to just hear my heart, or to change my mind or desires, etc. This was so good to hear, because I had just gotten done telling Him that it was His. Every part. And I hold  my life before Him with open hands. My heart is His. I am clinging to Him and His will. Because I know that anything less won't be enough. Jesus is enough for me. I confess it. I want it to be true of my life. I believe He truly gave this verse to me, it gives me comfort to know that Jesus is not only praying... but groaning on my behalf. Praying that God's will would be done in my life. I am asking the same things. After that, it says that for those that love the Lord, He's working things out for their good. Ultimately. Even if it doesn't seem like it to these human eyes. 

He is working things out for my good. 

So whether that means that I will receive all that I desire or if God's will is not at all what I desire now... it will be wonderful. It will be good because it is His will.

Lord, teach me to love you more. 


I know that His will is perfect and flawless. 
Make my heart crave the things that you are about, draw my heart from worldly things.