today was my last day of lecture phase, which means i am half way through my DTS! it's so crazy how time flies, seriously... I'm so blessed. People say that it's a huge sacrifice to be here & they pray that we are blessed for giving this time of our lives to the Lord, which is amazing & true, but mostly I just feel that God has blessed me by giving ME this time of my life. I feel so lucky & grateful to all of you who continue to support me.
For me, this school has been all about LOVE so far. Literally. No, I'm not talking like... romance... I'm talking LOVE. Real, pure, true, sacrificial, selfless, unconditional, abounding, crazy, out-of-control, illogical LOVE. I came here with a lot of twisted views of Love; like it was hard, less about a feeling & more about a choice, I thought it was controlling, manipulative, distant, general & broad, logical, passive. I think subconsciously I believed all these things about God. Since being here, my heart has been absolutely wrecked. I've discovered that God loves me individually. He loves my quirks. He loves my personality. Intimacy with Him is unique because we are all unique. I love that. I love Him! I really do. Because I know He loves me, & that demands a response. I respond with love because HE loves me.
So in the midst of learning all of this, I still have a huge call of evangelism on my life. I have known that evangelism was my thing for a long time & looking back to mistakes I made & even in planning my own life, this was the one thing I couldn't ever let go of. Evangelism. I love the Gospel & I love lost people. I was made for it. I couldn't ever forget that dream/desire/whatever you want to call it. No matter what or who came along, I could never forfeit or compromise that dream within me.
This past week, we had a speaker from South Africa, Jeff Reid, who LOVES Jesus. Man, he does. He actually lives out a lifestyle much like the christians in Acts. Super cool. He just follow Jesus & it's beautiful. He & his family are seeing lives transformed daily & seeing GOD do so many things in this world! I saw videos & heard stories... God is amazing. I am learning that not only does God love me - not only does He still work radically in people's lives today - not only does He heal people, BUT He uses His followers to do those things so that He gets glory for it. & not only all of that, but that I am one that He chose. I have an invitation to be involved in what He is doing all over the world. That's mind-blowing. I don't want to have fear of men keep me from walking in freedom & walking in what God wants to use me for. I don't want to be afraid to look like a fool. I don't want to have so much pride that I don't trust Him to heal someone when I pray. I want to trust & to be used up completely.
It's for this reason, I'm really ready for India. I'm ready to go love on people. Even if loving & serving them ends up being the only thing I get to do, it's enough! I can't wait to see those eyes & those white teeth. I'm ready. God loves the people of India. Just as He loves me. Individually. Uniquely. Wildly. He's crazy about them & I want to be, too. :)
This blog is pretty jumbled. I'm sorry, but I thought I should share some HEART stuff. Some of the stuff God's been showing me.
I love you all & hope you are well.
Farewell!
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