just another day..

i'm learning so many things right now.

one being that god really does give us a new measure of faith to walk through the next task he's asking of us.

we can't lean on our past experiences. trusting him is always a leap of faith.

i'm learning that obedience can sometimes mean just waiting.

a crisis of belief can almost make you insane sometimes...

it's so easy to lose focus & start looking at how impossible the whole situation seems,

because god often calls us to do things that are just plain impossible for us.

it's so easy to start to try & fix things yourself or accomplish things the only way you know how 

even though you know you can't.

it's so easy to look to others to try & fix it, too.

i have done all of these things. 

i was in church on sunday, my mind racing with all the factors 

& just realizing how tired i was of thinking.

so many thoughts.

it hit me. i know god was telling me,

    lift your focus to me.

    stop looking around you, to your circumstances or the impossibilities you see around you.

    look at me. i'm where your help comes from. i am able.

i mean really. he made the heavens & earth. he knows me inside & out.

he sees where i am on my journey of following him in life 

& he is walking me through it.

no one is able to accomplish what he is able to accomplish. 

no one is able to do what he can do.

no one can comfort me the way he can.

& no one can love me like he can.

so i guess this is just another day of learning to trust him.

trusting him when life seems unsure or i've grown impatient.

learning to trust that he is a god who delights in impossibilities.

this is another day of choosing to say, "yes, god" 

& knowing that however things turn out, 

he is still the god i know, i will still thank him in all things & i will still follow him.

i lift my eyes to the hills,

is that where my help comes from?

my help comes from the lord,

maker of heaven & earth.

ps 121